All beauty must die

felix's picture

I can think of no greater fear. No one concept or idea causes me more stress than this one. That one day I may no longer enjoy gear. To inject, and not enjoy. A horrible thought, but I guess it is not a universal law that I should always enjoy gear, is it? Why should I assume that although I may fall in and out of love, take up and discard various hobbies, why would gear remain a core enjoyed activity?
I only mention this because I've been using daily for a couple of weeks now, since before Easter, somehow swinging credit during that horrid four day weekend where my pay didn't come in, somehow using on the usual 'off days' of Monday and Tuesday - basically, these are the days with the greatest distance forward from a payday, in a purely mathematical sense.
And I've used gear from a variety of sources. Four dealers all up when I think about it, from Browns Plains fluffy white, to Mt Gravatt crud, to Ipswich homebake to a shouted shot from an unknown source.
And I can't really say I particularly enjoyed any of those shots.
I am hoping that it was the stress of not being paid, combined with upcoming exams, combined with the stress of securing tick....I hope these things caused the lack of enjoyment. Certainly a few of the shots satisfied my opiate receptors to a point where I could not think about gear, or anything else pressing (but what presses as much as gear these days?) for a few hours. The majority of the shots were pretty bad, to be true, they felt weaker than usual, to the point of needing to score again an hour or two later.
Now I know scientifically and logically that it's quite possible to get a run of bad gear for a couple of weeks. Hell, the drought in '01 had crud for six months or longer. And being such a parochial little town I doubt there are too many originators of gear, so if one source is bad so are most all quite often.
But you get old, you get tired, you start to fear that maybe your chemistry has changed, or maybe your outlook. You look around for other old junkies and see them few and far between. You form theories about the body's adaptation to repeated use, about organs wearing out, the mechanics of enjoyment breaking down. And you fear, that after so long and so many dollars, you may have to start finding some other way to pass the time tween birth and death.