Five valiums, and I'm wide wake at 2am. Five vals, and that's in a body with no benny tolerance to speak of. I make sure I only get a val script every two or three months so as not to enjoy myself too much.

Following the theory that you only survive by limiting your exposure to happiness or pleasure. If you spend most of your life in denial, miserable, maybe you live longer.

Fucked up theory but it works for me.

If there's one thing I've come across that's stronger than gabo, it's lack of gabo. Amazing what the body does when it wants for gear. It can produce chemicals that'll counteract as many rohys or bennies you pump in. Sleep is not to be experienced. The body will outdo the best minds of the last centuries pharma-boys in an effort to drive you to score and top-up with that one chemical it cannot produce.

Maybe we need a poppy-human hybrid. Pod people, for real. I see myself walking around town with this big green noggin, little lips on the top, a smile scored into my face that bleeds a white sap.

So here I am , watching perhaps the 25th episode of The Wire since this long weekend began. Not the point of life, this, I know that. Lose me in Nepal and I won't complain. Captain Oates be my nickname.


Hell, I know that's not an inspiring start to my pages for the year. Some good is up, true. My enrolment for uni this year is on track, just have to choose the subjects. Looking forward to that majorly. Looking forward to rubbing shoulders with others keen to learn the science thang. Maybe I'm a decade behind Rudy Rucker in terms of doing Comp Science, and maybe that boat's sailed in terms of CS being cutting edge, but still it can teach me a ton about systems, about life, about the stuff I love. The stuff I muse on when I'm not being paid to muse on nothings.