Sitting at home on a Sunday, watching questionable videos and listening to Neil Young, his Harvest album.

Bek says that you need a year to recuperate for every year you used. Right now I'd have to say that feels like an optimistic outlook. I think I'd need 110 years to undo this state of mind. Coz it is a state of mind, not an addiction. I met a friend the other day that did a year clean then dove back in.

What drug lasts a year in your system. None. But a state of mind, altered, that can be a thing forever.

So I think I need 110 years just to get back to being 19 again. But 19 was when I realised I needed to use to survive, so wouldn't I just be at the start of this trek again? Where would I have to go to to take a different path. I don't think year 10 (14 years old) would be much better, I think I was on the way here back then. Grade 6 or seven is the only spot I feel fairly safe with. But who could do that over? Knowing what you have to go through, again. Not for me.

I will follow this path a little longer, see if it takes me anywhere nice. scenery has been so dull lately, it's gotta get better soon.