So this evening I saw Sim for the first time since she'd officially left. She needed to score I guess, but she was also worried about me as when she'd rung at 6-ish and asked how I was doing, I told her I was staring at a wall. This was a true answer at the time she asked, but not an answer that I should have given her. I guess it had to do with me going to bed at 6am and then up and off to work at 7am after a heavy night's scoring and using.
Of course my answer worried her, and she told me so. I SMS'd her "Can I do anything to help you?"
Her exact SMS was "Gabo, company. Maybe talking will help us both." 6.08pm 4/8/06
She came over just after 7pm, I scored a half using my funds, it took 2 hours of driving around to get the gear and then running tasks for the scorer. I wanted Sim to answer a question before we took the gear, the question being "What exactly is going on? I asked you to score directly from the dealer, don't involve me." More importantly, I wanted to know what was happening with us. I had waited many years for her to deal with her physical muff issues, she hadn't until now after she's moved out. I said that there is more to showing love than simple penetration, that if she had loved me a stuffed muff wouldn't stop it being shown. She conceded that, saying she was mixed up.
I kept trying, after we'd shot up, to find out if there was any future for us. Nothing looked too good. Just before she left at 1130pm she said that she wanted us to hang out as friends but she didn't want me thinking that it was anything other than that, or that it meant that we were getting back together as partners.
So I'm still confused. I don't know whether she is just being nice, polite, letting me down gently after being together for close to a decade, or if she really is confused and she just needs time to work out her head.
Has a relationship ever been improved by giving the participants space?
I tell S that any long term relationship probably goes through troublesome times like this, but she seems set in her heart that I'm just a friend. When I asked her this time if she minds if I sleep with someone else she kept saying "If you need to sleep with someone else don't let me stop you". It wasn't a direct answer but last time I'd silenced her with the same question. I don't know whether she's just thought about it more or if she doesn't really care if I do sleep elsewhere..
She says that she'll understand if I don't want to spend time with her because I have my feelings for her, and hers are different.
The only thing I know for sure after tonight is that gabo is bad for relationships on the rocks. The "devil may care" attitude it engenders can be very dangerous in a time when u need specific and clear answers to heart-searching questions. Gabo is glib.
Oh, and I need a chair. I'm sitting here typing this sitting on an old PC, and it's too low!
Do I pursue the girl or write her off? As of 4/8/06 1143pm (I am stoned atm) - Pursue.