I awake, dreams quickly evaporating, but still I recall: I dreamed I was picking up my metro dose, and for some reason had stopped just inside the chemist, to help someone I knew charge their mobile phone.
The similarities between recharging a mobile phone and picking up a dose of metro to give me the impetus to get through the day are clear to me. The question is, if I view myself as some kind of telephone, am I a Nokia or a cooler iPhone?
Twenty years of use, what progress have I made? It appears I dream of picking up my metro now - seven years ago I dreamt of shooting up. Doing it all day was not enough, my subconscious felt the need to remind me in my sleep of this action. Pervasive is a word that comes to mind easily.
So does 'cold Gazpacho soup', but this is just a fragmented memory from a short story I once read.
I am not the thing you hold to, I am the thing you hold to, for.
Words I feel compelled to write, and of what they signify I am as yet unaware. "As yet unaware". Not sure if that is clumsy phrasing or beautiful. An inability to discern between items of attraction and repulsion. A flattening of affect.
My homepage counter says 90 hours since use. I have done 120 hours many times, but always on a metro dose several times higher. 20 is kind of low. Below the ridiculously low 25 starting dose they put you on, just so you have to keep using for a few days to handle the transition. 25 wouldn't stop a $50 a day habit, but they start dose there to minimise risk of overdose from someone who may only be pretending to be a junk head.
Seems strange to me, volunteering to go on metro without a habit behind the scenes, prompting, hand in front of mouth, left of curtain.
They say some people just go on to get stoned. Kind of reminds me of those stories about "loose girls who get pregnant just to get welfare". HAs anyone ever met one of these girls? I've never met a metro head who went on it for anything but desperation...
Listening to:
Dresden DOlls - Yes, Virginia.
Doing:
Day Four.Up at 6am. I have a takeaway today thank Trump..
Watching:
Crap sci-fi. Still. Watched the latest Star Trek movie last night. Ho hum.
Reading:
Alice Munro short stories. Our Chekhov they say, but, well, she is good.
Work:
aaaaagh. opiates are needed to maintain a stable work attitude.
Cooking:
Leftovers darling..
Scoring:
Not since Saturday's big $25 shot. Long time no gabo it feels. STILL!