The weekend's dying. Glorious Brissie orange sunsets. Sunday arvo thunderstorms with electricity cracking across the sky and luminous colours in the clouds through our sunnies. Walking along the river behind the Montague Road factories, there's a truck parked there that a couple have travelled around teh world in. Atop it is a solar panel and on one side there is a map of all the places they've been to. The tires are massive, like solid circles of rubber.
Getting on well with S, and I don't know if I should be happy or sad. Four days straight gaboing. I guess gabo helps you hide your true feelings, so in a gabo relationship over six years you see a lot of the "smiling front", yet the important seething underlying problems are never addressed. So what in a non-gabo relationship would be resolved quickly with a fight and makeup, turns into a silent yet malignant growth. And when the gabo is removed, all these irritants spill over into day to day life.
This is the theory of what happened a couple of months back that I am hoping is most correct. Of course there are many other theories, and I have explored a lot of them in my darker periods. But looking back now I hope that those ugly two months of me relapsing and her staying out till 4am at the casino with boys, I hope all that was just the necessary purging of six years of unspoken anger. Six years of accepting what shouldn't be accepted. But is it over? Or do things just look good because gabo has returned on a weekly basis?
Hell I hope not. The only way to find out is to start a new drought, which S and I have both verbally presented as our desire. It is very important to stop before we are physically addicted again, and though this next week will be rough after the last four days of daily usage, I must remind myself they are nothing like one gets after stopping six years of six a day usage. Small blessings and all that jazz.
Enough gabo. New dual layer DVD burner, but got sold single layer blanks. D'oh! Getting some big files off HDD onto DVD. Physical desk space becoming a problem with S complaining about messiness etc. Funny how we miss these complaints when they're not there. Newlyweds on TV, Six Feet under starting again tomorrow.back.