Co-dependent my doctor describes my ex relationship with S as. This is after I tell said Doc that S has managed to get at least a quarter weight out of me every payday since she moved out a month ago.
I muse on this co-dependent word. I think how easy S has made it for me to give up on her with her contacting me only on payday, only for gabo, then going an hour or so after the gabo has been blatted. But it hasn't been as easy for me to give up on her as it has been for her to give up on me. That task she managed to do with me still living with her.
Then, I think to myself, maybe she has taken a deliberate course to make me harden my heart to her. BUt no, S always said I over think things, and I am doing it again. S really is just using me for gabo, knowing that I cannot say no (I told her so!).
What junkie wouldn't take free gabo, no matter what the cost to their personal dignity. I've done many things I regret for gabo. Many women and men trade sex for gear, so why not trade emotions?