Just finished watching Goldmember, the Austin Powers III movie.  not so hot, but killed time, taking S's mind off having just quit her crud-o job.   Ten bucks an hour cash in hand doesn't add up to much when they pay you day by day and u got one of them monkeys on your back.   So you end up working 13 days straight and having not a cent at the end of it as you scored every day, getting 10 or 20 bucks tick a day and any spare went on cigs and coffee.

C'est la vie, right?   I guess so.   Tsunami's wreak infinitely more havoc yet its distance distills the impact.  We fork out cash to assuage our inner guilt at having had a better life at their expense for decades, then they die horribly.

....next day, 9/1/05 torrent sites (loki) running better, street art page looking almost professional.  Sned in your pics please, if there's anyone out there!! (Who'd read a junkie's journal anyways...)

What does it mean when you realise that shoplifting a packet of razorblades gives you more of a sense of achievement than 99% of the output of your workdays?  What imbalance is this and what damage can it be doing to me day in and day out as I trudge slowly back up the hill to the yoke of my corporate sharecropping?  How can I come out of this period of my life anything but bent and twisted?  I mean, sure, I may end up with a property and a possibly secure financial future, but I get the feeling that that ain't going to be me at the end of that road, just another "acceptor".  What point marks the change, and does my realising the risk help me prevent it in anyway?

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