Thought I'd put down some words, as it has been a while since I uploaded a diary page to my site.

And the key to the delay is in that very sentence - 'uploaded' - I've saddled myself with a home-made diary system, that involves firing up Dreamweaver CS5, keying in the entry, saving it with a unique filename, then finding an image, uploading both via FTP, then updating a db with my text filename, image filename and a few other settings to handle queries...all in all, a good design except inasmuch it's overbearing and stops me using it!

Not sure if I mentioned I'm back at Uni this semester? Doing a Bachelor of Science at UQ - it'll take six years at the current two-subjects-a-semester rate, but I hope to get my life altered a little in the next few years to allow a fulltime semester or two. And this Semester I am doing Stats (obligatory but still enjoyable) and Computer Science.

The CS subject is helping me to re-evaluate a lot of code and design I've been involved in over the last decade - thinking about the whys and hows from scratch. In this day and age it's crazy to use such an antiquated blog system when there are dozens of free systems that I could employ that would make my life simpler.

Anyways. A month back from India tomorrow-ish, and yesterday was my first day without a shot. Or so I feel. Sim seems to think there's been another day in there, but my record keeping has been a bit scatty and she doesn't know when, so who knows. I'll input some more shots into the db, using my phone as a memory prompt, before it all gets deleted..and I may find out. Certainly last night was rough after a day without. But here's the rub. The dude I've been seeing for maybe two years now is leaving town soon. His house and lab is being dismantled around him, I fear one day I will go and he will be sitting in his underpants at a glassware-laden bench in his underpants, stoned oblivious to the stares of passers-by.

Time has moved and acted upon him as it does us all, he is now with child and has much pressure to move far south. I very much negatively anticipate my future involving a daily two hour drive south just to get the post-work shot. The alternative, scoring off the plethora of sugar-dealers in Brisbane, doesn't offer any comfort. Having gotten used to pure, cheaply, I don't want to start giving my pay to some egotistical twat for less gear at a higher price.

So I try to wean myself, reduce the need, so that the day he goes I do not freak out and set a pattern that I will later regret. I have a few friends that I know will make the arduous journey regularly, but I hope not to join them. I had a friend couple that used to drive from Cooroy to at least Burpengary, more often Brisbane, every day for years, after their 'geographical', a relocation to escape opiates, backfired. At least they tried. But it cost them a small fortune in cars worn out from the journeys.

A month back, and I'm broke again. Trouble organising bus fare to Uni. Fighting with S about it - I foolishly gave her my GoCard on the weekend for Monday's use, but apparently I understood it was being given to her for permanent use. And then losing my last $35 whilst stoned on Friday night, I awoke this morning after a rotten night's tossing and turning having no idea how I would get to Uni after the 830am metro chemist dash.

But a text from S saved me - she'd left $4 in her letterbox because the extra $12 I transferred to her personal bank account had arrived and she didn't need this cash.

I hate this poverty, a special kind of poverty that only a person earning over a grand a week can experience.

Sim tells me tonight she is considering moving down south, coincidentally close to where the aforementioned 'dude' will be living. It really is just coincidentally, I am fairly sure. A friend of hers suggested it. I fully supported it, immediately looking up metro dispensers in the area, and finding NSW Health pdfs on metro. That's going to be one issue for her. Living remote on metro is not easy. New dispensers usually require a few months of daily dosing at the head clinic in a big city before they let you move to a 'community pharmacy'.

I know that researching this info would signal to S that 'I want her to go', and that was her response. I replied that as we're never going to sleep together, it would do her good to move to a town where she can find a boy she wants to sleep with.

No response. A minute later she starts talking about the upcoming dinner.

Ah well, you reap what you sow. I still have fond memories of an hour spent at the Beetle bar a week ago. Can one hour sustain a man for a decade and a half? For that's how long I predicted would pass before I catch up with J again. Snubbing her on fb means our only communication is random like last weeks. But beautiful for its rarity, I feel. I hope that the tiny time spent did something to repair the damages my younger self wrought out of having zero understanding of either the fairer sex or his own feelings. Both confused him equally as a nineteen year old, and gabo was the only thing that drowned out the noise of the chaos.

Aggccch. No more to write. Reading? Textbooks, with a little Rucker (Spaceland) to get me in a mathy mode. Listening? Still Gareth Liddiard of The Drones solo, plus the new PJ Harvey and Streets, both decent albums, not world shattering.

Feeling my age at Uni today - I got up in a tute and answered a question on logs (logarithms), and I started with "I'm not sure this is correct, I haven't used logs since 1987 - and probably no one in this room was born in 1987?". Sort of a joke, but the tutors were just second years, so it turned out no one actually was born back then.

So today I was doing maths I learned before these kids were even thought of. Cheers!