Bit manic, bit frantic. S at work at M, doing the 5-12 night shift. This is for about 4 to 5 days per week, so we see little of each other. We are both still on heavy metro doses (me 90, S 80), but we are still wasting our entire wage each week. This is the cause of much stress. The January 12 to middle of May 2001 drought returned again for 12 days in late June, I managed to hold on throughout it and did nought but metro. S and I went hunting, and I found found a quarter gram she buried at Jindalee a year ago. It turned out to be dirt coloured and milky but helped keep her sane for a day. (It had sat wrapped in the corner of a freezer bag in a garden bed amongst bottle tops and other rubbish near the Jindalee gym for all that time...ed note). I was happy as it was my first 12 day brake in years but of course I went straight back to it when it started to rain again. We had a big ruckus Thursday June 20 3am. I had no gabo, S came home at 4am, schizzed out at me, said that she couldn't trust that I had no gabo elsewhere, she did the lights shining in my face routine and everything. My usual response, let's break up, was accepted. Five days of me at Ds, her home at T,then me here and her meant to be away somehere but she turned up at 2am demanding gabo...ugly. 18 months with no intimacy at this stage. Euphemisms. No been fu**** long time. S played it cool, said nil, and went back to business as usual. I don't want to drift into the arena of greater and nastier cosmology precipitated by deprivation from libidinous activities. What would make me happiest would be for her to elucidate, expand upon her position, to explain to me how she can profess love and practice rejection. Mayhaps time to head for Africa and M?