Two nights in a row stoned. Already I cannot remember clearly the way I felt Wednesday morning, waking straight and clean. But I can recall that I enjoyed that feeling. And some basic undisputable facts layout a table in my mind of pros and cons.
I awoke Wednesday morning and went for a walk around two blocks near S's. I did not announce this walk the night before although I had the idea then. I was leery of the times I had announced to the world of some healthy act I was about to involve myself with, and then never followed through. I did not want to disappoint anyone. I was a little surprised when I pulled myself from the bed to walk, in a good way. This positive discovery, that I can do the odd good thing, gave me all the kick I needed to head out.
Scrub turkeys rule the streets for an hour every morning, between five and six am. It has taken them millions of years of evolution to get to this point, but the intricately planned power play has paid off. It may only be an hour a day, but it's an important, almost magical, hour. I passed between two gangs on Jones Street Highgate Hill. Their heads slowly turned, both letting me pass and letting me know that they were letting me pass.
Then I was home. Facts.
Fact. This morning, first morning after a shot, diarrhea. Sorry. Not a very savoury topic for a blog, but it's a word that is very descriptive and gets straight to the point. I had driven back to my flat at six thirty am, staggered down the ramp and then collapsed on the loo. All my strength and energy from the day before gone, dissolved in the Wednesday night shot. I wonder if it is my tiny dose of metro that makes me so susceptible to the negative effects of gear. S does not seem so affected, and she sits at 37mg compared to my 15mg.
At least though for the first time in, well, more years than I can recall, I see hope for further reductions. Every other time ten days into 15mg I would be planning a jump up to 30 or 40 mg. Last visit to Doctor T I had her go through my doses for the last five years and there have been two previous cycles of reduction to 15 then jumping back up. If it didn't take so much time, and represent so much loss of potential, I would laugh at my behaviour. But my desire to still reduce to 12.5 come the Ides of March is all the energy drink I need.
Walking out of the chemist at lunch today I had the following three thoughts in quick succession:
- Hey what's that man in that car doing with that camera?
- Hey what's that man with that camera doing in a Council car?
- Hey what's that man with a camera in a Council car doing pointing that camera at my car?
That was when I looked at the signage around the Camry. Mail Zone. I've parked there a thousand times before. Opposite the local Night Owl. Everyone does it. The mailman comes once a day doesn't he/she? Ah well, I park all day in half hour or two hour zones at Toowong and haven't been busted so fairs fair.
Playing lots of Mafia Wars, even during work hours. Infatuation, crazy, as it's just clicking a button.
Oh that reminds me. The billboard above the local petrol station (where the mechanic stole my spare tyre/wheel when I took a month to come back) used to indict Anna Bligh for selling off public assets. Now it says
"Don't be a galah - gamble responsibly". The funny part is that the ad is paid for by the Qld State Government, and it's most likely paid for with the profits from the over forty thousand pokies the state government licenses to every pub, social club and rec room. $5 million a day is spent on Qld pokies.Pool cues are being banned, any glass drinkware, dartboards etc, but pokies are here to stay!