On finding out that your gut isn't a gut. That it is a football sticking out under your ribcage. Calm, happy. I never expected to get this far when I made my choices years ago. Of course I'd love to live decades more, to see weather patterns change, to watch governments rise and fall like time-lapsed flowers. But I chose short and fast not long and slow.
Rage rage against the dying of the light....
Embers slowly dimming.
Thank you lord for telling me when the game is up - better than a Wham! Bam! Thank you ma'am! deal...
12:30 am Thurs morning. Just seen "Gadjo Dilo" with S (Where we had our first "date" - "The Boxer". Aug 2 - Nov 11 - 3.3 months. Whoo hoo!
Ed (270806) - Think perhaps I was worried about Hep C that I had had for 3 years now and like the hypochondriac junkie I could be occasionally, I may have interpreted liver pains as a sign of an impending acceleration of the viruses internal works program. I was grateful that I had met S before I became too sick to meet anyone, I accepted that I had chosen a short life with my first shot and was grateful that I was getting a little notice of the short time left to me, unlike most junkies whose only eviction notice isn't nailed to the front door but comes as a warmer than expected rush and a stronger than expected prickle, then nothing. Livercancer through Hep C would give me time to say goodbye to friends. In this writing I can still see the influence of the Romantic movement that I had somehow become entwined with. Love of death, a beauty in a short fast life, etc etc.