Hot day in Brissie.

For fifteen years I would never take my shirt off - alone, in front of anyone - all because I believed my arms were the puniest sticks imaginable.

Now it's hot, and I walk around my flat shirtless. I went to the park with S' bro and worse shirtsleeves - trackmarks on display.

Getting old is learning not to care about certain things. A refocussing of efforts, as they say during television coverage of hopeless searches for cute teens that everyoneknows were dead the first night, but we all carry on a pantomine for the pares.

Woke up junk shivering - did a few two shot a day days recently. Awoke to illness. Showered, shower number one. AN hour later, shower two on the way to this ill-advised picnic with S' bro.

Gambled and drank most of my metro before lunchtime. Figured that'd get me through lunch. Then blow my mortgage money and score from a dealer who usually accepts payment by internet transfer. Trusting soul.

Got through the hot picnic. Stood over flames and cooked sausages and otehr dead flesh liek a man.

Left there, dropped off bro and was ringing dealer before brotehrs door had shut.

Gambled most of petrol on driving there whilst trying to get through. GOt through, he said "fine come over" I mentioned it was an internet transfer and the fine disappeared. "Can't help."

Then my phone died mid sentence and spent half an hour ringing back once we'd swapped SIM cards, sim and I.

Eventually he said he'd sort out something that'd be 80% sure of happening by 5pm. At 630 I got S to ring and she was told "Tomorrow's another day".

At eight I drank last dregs of extra metro to give me energy to cook dinner. My life is parcelled out in discrete energy-synchronized doses. This will wear off in an hour. I am writing this down before i am too ill to move or motivate. Tomorrow morning I go to work, first after dropping off car for a service and catching buses. That's where some money went, but most went on gear.

This is my day. Dependency and despondency in equal doses. Dad rang, he's dropping twenty bucks into my work tomorrow to enable (heh) me to get a present for Hannah. I could steal one and try to score. see how tomorrow comes.