iTunes and AppleMobileService just opened a thousand or so TCP connections on my PC - mainly port 27015, localhosted back to ports in 3-4000 range. Not sure why. Plugged iPod in earlier, used iTunes but nothing unusual.
Not till Azureus started and told me that it was 'probably firewalled" did I pick up an issue. The port it wanted to connect on ,6969, was unavailable, I assume as no connections were allowed to be made.
A netstat -a scrolled for pages, netstat -b showed the culprits. task Manager killed them off and all was good, but no idea as to why it all started...
nothing in the Event Viewer either...
So I was driving out and back to Mt Gravatt, our latest spot of scoring, and we spent a small fortune on gear, 250, half S's pay. Because tomorrow is All Tomorrows Parties, A Nick Cave Concert, and it wouldn't be a cliche if we didn't use and then go see Nick.
We had $125 worth in the QEII carpark, a superfat woman hovered nearby and S was desperate to get me to peek at her from a certain angle. Her breasts were apparently so large they HAD to be seen to be believed. I guess I did eventually glimpse them side on, they seemed to come out from her navel - if I had been searching for them in the dark, as is all I seem to ever do anymore, I would have been miles off, a foot or so above that point, and despite their ginormous size I would have missed them.
Bigger than S's head so S reckoned. Who am I to argue, a mere male with little experience with sweater puppies.
As we returned to my hovel, S took a call, and at some lights I absent-mindedly patted her right thigh in a circular fashion. While still talking she clamped her free hand down on mine to stop it moving.
After the call she told me "That's not how you pat someone, you're doing it like you're about to die.".
I demonstrated a heartier variation but still received only criticism.
"Is there any way I could do it that you would enjoy, or would I have to be removed from the operation before you would even consider feeling pleasure", I said in my narkiest tone.
"You're right. I am not going to be satisfied" she laughed. " Why would anyone even try to satisfy me, it's hopeless." she continued.
"It's not even worth the effort to think about trying to satisfy you" I added.
She agreed. Funny at the time but true. As I enter the seventh year of this new phase of our 'relationship', I reflect on the unhealthiness of it. I use the lack of intimacy as an excuse, as proof to me that there is no real relationship. So I therefore feel no obligation to pay the dues a "real" relationship deserves. When S asks for a house in the country, I can ignore it, as with no physical side I can safely understand that S has no emotional attachment to me, that we are just friends, and who moves into a house in the country with a friend?
("Sex is the heart of a relationship" I just hear spoken on SBS in a religious documentary - synchronicity, words I believe spoken aloud)
But at heart I know it is more complicated. S does feel something other than friendship I believe from time to time. Her actions occasionally show this. But I cannot reconcile how a woman who is attracted to me would not be physically attracted to me ( I am not saying I am attractive, just that if someone is silly enough to like the 'me' that is felix, then they should be silly enough to like the physical entity that felix inhabits...)
They don't teach any of this in school, and when I try to spell it out on the page I just see inanity after inanity.
("I was made a homosexual...I was abused" the documentary states. At least it's good to know that there are others out there more confused than I. Imagine being gay and telling yourself you are only this way as a result of abuse - it's as inane as assuming you can change sexual identity through hard work.)
On other topics, tomorrow night should be good. Spiritualised are ex-Spaceman 3. Good rockers, very h-centric. I understand Nick C assembled the whole All Tomorrows Parties gig. DOes that explain the gear commonality? Does Robert Forster do gabo?? I plan to wear a brown velvet suit and white snakeskin pointy shoes. One must let ones deviant side out from time to time or we end up becoming a tax accountant.
PS - Will I get a wakeup call from S 630 tomorrow morn? She stashed tomorrows dinner in my flat somewhere so that I wouldn't eat it earlier than the concert, but I believe there's a high risk that she'll want it for brekky, then more after work tomorrow. And this will be my fault in her eys. I would say there's around a sixty to seventy percent chance it will go first thing tomorrow, I hope not (and hope so at the same time. Gabo schizophrenia)....