Aaah, another year, some new reliefs offer temporary alleviation. Such as a new author, new to me. James Blaylock. Reminds me of John Kennedy O'Toole and Confederacy of Dunces. Reading The Last Coin.
From there I got onto Butthole Surfers, listened to them awhile, Locust Abortion Technician from 1987, then watched YouTube videos of them doing a rock interview whilst tripping in a bed. This famous interview I remember hearing of back in the early 1990s, though for some reason my brain remembered only that they were smoking pot. Perhaps, not knowing what acid was when I first heard of it, my mind dismissed key words like Tripping. Funny thing, language and the mind.
Then from there I watched some British hippy taking 25 tabs of acid on camera, McCartney talking of taking acid, Syd Barrett tripping. Thanks YouTube.
Then onto a doco Gibby Hayes did (frontman of BS) on John Frusciante, onetime guitarist for Chili Peppers. Then heavy junkie. Depp and Gibby made a doco on John at the height/depth of his addiction. Never know which qualifier to use in describing addiction. Depends on which side of the syringe you stand I would guess.
Cannot find this documentary, Stuff, to download. Perseverence is called for.
And I wait hovering in my hole, cash in pocket, to be convinced to go out and score, again. Then to be broke until payday. This is the cycle for me, who am I to question it? Who am I to make anything but misery and jam of my parents' dreams. Went to theirs stoned yesterday, awash in guilt and regret today.
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sometimes it feels that if you don't fight against using, today, this moment, this very shot that you have the money for in your pocket, and a supplier willing to supply, then you will be doomed to score again and again and again and again, evermore, Mr Poe, evermore without end. Then that thought turns to paste in your mouth the next morning when you awake with the gabo residue lining your inner cheeks, and what was that despair for? Should you resign and attend to the duties of addiction entirely.
I am using heavily at the moment. Ha!. I used to use more to get out of bed in the morning than I do in two days at present. But everything is relevant. Louis said so, his sole finding from his acid experiences. "It's all relative" he'd mock-high pitch state. And he was right. This is heavy use, scoring once on payday, then again an hour later. Dissatisfaction with quality.
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Later. Stoned. 17 times this year, and it's the seventeenth day. Numbers, what power they have over accountants.