stuff i need to get down:
joel's plea
no real reason to mention it here but i want to write it before it evaporates.
the day after joel died, rach was here, and she read an excerpt from an email joel wrote her, and i paraphrase
"..oh i just woke up from that shot, guess i didn't take enough..." something along those lines.
how cynical inured to suffering are we that a friend can write that line and we just treat it as prose.
i know if i had received that line in an email it would have just been absorbed but not acted upon.
when to act? What signal can this society give that would cause such deadened souls as ours to rouse?
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sad music
a few years ago my mum started crying as she drove with me "Get this terrible music off"
It was Burroughs droning on with Kurt doing backing on a gus van sant collaboration thing.
a year later, sim says "do you have to always listen to his sad music"
and more like this over the years has led me to believe that perhaps the world believes the music i like is "sad" music.
i listen to radiohead, bright eyes, coldplay even, and to me this is happy music. i don't know if this represents a neurological dysfunction that could help a trained professional diagnose my fault and lead to a repair, or if it just means what makes others sad cheers me up.
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sim hope
I am hoping sim can get past my payday. she has been gone two days now, and today was her payday and she must have resisted the lure of ringing me and asking me to score. i sometimes think gabo creates the strongest bond in a couple, and then i think of the situation where a couple have lost a child - perhaps, for the 30% of marriages this event does not destroy, perhaps in those few relationships a gabo-like glue is set and the couples are bound to each other?
or is gabo stronger because it is tied to an event that does not fade like all other events (sex, birthdays, smiles, quips).
how evil a world where the one enduring thing i can find is the derivative of a poppy.
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listening to bright eyes Fevers and Mirrors