y does everything happen at once sometimes?. i mean yr heart bursts into flood after u come home to an empty dark hole. you've chucked the cold fennel lasagne into the dirty oven, booted your pc, started up nessun dorma at 97dB read yr wrenching sms's and then the fone rings and its your mum just to see you're ok. are they psychic or something? used twice on sat, $130 wasted, all i felt is nothing which i guess was the desired effect.
but couldn't go into work this morn till 1130am. foetal position holding onto bed for stability. grabbed my metro on the way to work so by the time i was in the office the only withdrawal symptoms were that the PC monitor was strobing too intensely for my eyes. needless to say i focussed on paperwork for half an hour until my mind sorted its opiates out.
(I've said it b4 but u know u r in trouble when u look forward to going to work.) co-worker handed in her resignation today, all i see is people quitting. in the chemist i noticed this threadbare step where the chemist has worn a hole in the carpet from standing in his shop day in day out dispensing medications to all the sick people. this reminds me of the Roma St MDC (Methadone Dispensary Clinic) where there are two posters probably donated by some charity in the 80s, posters of famous composers. for six months in 98 or so i went there on my way to work and queued up at 730am with all the city bums and shuffled towards the small inch square hole in the besser block wall from behind which opiates were served. The posters were half fallen and drooping and faded but never fixed.
all i could see today was dirt and pain. amazing how reduction of a bodies opiate levels can cause u to perceive something like a face differently. i see the ratlike everywhere, the loss etched into the faces, resignation and despair. i know on one level it is just perception but on the purely functional level i have learnt to where sunglasses for my own benefit. they give me an extra level of protection.
not meaning this to be too depressing a rant. just a warning to self that withdrawal kicks in very early and very quickly. i was comparatively ok yesterday, still processing the opiates outta system flex i guess. no wonder S kept me at skyscraper's length. the oozy cruisy stoned boyfriend is not such a pretty sight when u r doing the straight dance i guess.
Listening to Tall Dwarfs "Bodies" whilst I work. If this excise of cancerous soul parts can be called work. fennel lasagne calls must upload, must work out how to set up a blog to simplify this strange mission.