So, if for any reason I was "officially" interviewed right now, and I was asked "What is your current state of mind", i would feel compelled to tell them -
"Well, I would say I am a little fucked in the head right now".
Something I have been thinking and saying out loud more and more these last few months (yet I don't think I have written it down at all hence this purging of the soul), is that more and more I can cope less and less with the after effects of smack. I have known for a while that it takes a week to fully get over a shot, which makes me wonder how i went year after year having 6 shots a day, but that's another story.
Now, if, as i did last night, i have a Friday pay day shot, Saturday is spent in a blue fugue, half in half out of this world. Unable to motivate myself to do anything other than score again, today is the first time in ages I've not used on a Saturday. But it was a constant battle. The good part is that I will feel my shittiest tomorrow (Sunday), not as I usually do on Monday morning when i physically drag myself into work by the scruff of my neck and prop myself at my desk for 4 hours until I can go and pick up my metro. Pathetic, sad, predictable, yes, all those things, but it's what happens.
So as I get older my body recovers slower and slower from each hit. That's natural. When I was 22, old junkies were telling me that it's ten times harder to go through withdrawal at 35 than at 25. But what person of 25 (or, if we are being honest here, of any age) listens to anyone that says something that is not in their immediate interest. Give up smoking? When the negatives are 10 years away and the benefits are here now? Not human nature.
Anyway, just came across the term "vaporware", for software that has been announced or marketed but not yet produced. Cool. It was used in reference to the new version of Core Media Player. v5. I am just DL v4 atm, so 5 is still a vaporware pipedream.