How to express the deep and abiding disappointment one feels in one's core when you slip back into old behavioural patterns. And, as per usual, I cannot say I wasn't warned, that I did not notice the warning signs. I saw it all and forged on regardless. Every time I rang and scored I knew I was doing something irrepairable. I guess that statistically I can show that there is a link between the availability of gabo and the amount used. When I was having troubles getting on, when it required a trip up the North Coast, 3 hours round trip driving, I would do it once a week.
Now when it's a phone call, a 5 minute drive and at most 20 minutes waiting, I do it whenever I have the cash. Or whenever I can harangue S into handing over her cash for later repayment. Bad.
On a plus side? S's friend M has had offspring, who has just turned one. We went to the monkey's party on Sunday and watched her demolish a slice of cake in grand caveman tradition, reaching for the whole cake as her slice lay half finished. No wonder we are the top of the food chain with behaviours like this hardwired into the genes.
My sister will be having her child in a few weeks. She is in the Phillipines in a gated community, her husband is there atm but must return to Fiji soon. Though he comes back for good in February 2006 I believe. My sister is so strong, she moved to a new job, a new country, leaving her brand new husband behind and starting a new household, all while she was going through the 2nd trimester of her first pregnancy. That's brave in my books. Though any pregnancy is bravery I think
S's birthday number 31 on Saturday, we saw Little Fish, an appropriate movie with old junkies and beautiful bodies all intertwined in a literary tragedy. Cate Blanchett, Sam Neill together.
Getting things happening with XSL at work. The Comm Bank's corporate banking system, Diammond, (yes there are 2 Ms in the name) has been rolled out at work to hopefully replace some of the mountains of cheques we write. Whenever i research XSL (which to me seems a cutting edge tool) I notice that all the research papers and tips are published 1999-2000. And XHTML, which I am just beginning to grasp, is also from that era. I fear that if I learn this technology now I will become proficient at it just as it becomes obsolete.
But really, that's not true, the concept of separating content and presentation is a good one. The future lies that way I think.
Neil from the CBA Diammond team came out twice to train us, I had a coffee with him, he was good to speak to. Work (Anne) rang me on my mobile after 1.5 hours of coffee chit-chat, but it was very much worthwhile conversation, I learnt a lot. Neil was a good person, not what I was expecting at all. He taught English in Taiwan for a year or so, with his girlfriend. Just like my friend JB, who married a local girl last year (or just before). When I mentioned JB's town, Alien, Neil was surprised as he had worked nearby.
So amongst the drear of constant gabo use there is light. Just broke, that's all, gets you down once in a while.
S has an exam on compuyers 2moro so I must let her use this PC to practice her Adobe Illustrator. She has grown proficient at it very quickly, I got annoyed that she didn't "follow the written lessons" but I guess I had to make a lot of mistakes with PCs before I accepted the right way of doing stuff.