I'm an uncle.  Big stuff outta the way first.  Another body added to the teeming masses.  One more fight begun, started Sunday arvo (18/12/05) Brissie time.  Josua Hamish XXXX.  Father sent me an email with Word attachment with 2 pix of E and child.

When the mum keeps her family name, what happens to the child's initials? 

Christmas approaches, no shopping done yet.  Payday tomorrow, had disconnection notices for power and gas both in the last week.  Gabo has sent me from an ordered system into a chaotic system.   I'm not sure of the science behind it, but it's like a pendulum swinging back and forth (metronome also, hence metro/methadone), then a tap, then we have crazy pendulum.  I was hanging out (psychologically not physically) badly last night.  Craving after craving.  The longest break we've had in a fortnight is 76 hours or so.  Not good.

Then when we awake to S's (small) pay from dress work, she's not keen to score coz she doesn't like the current dealer, BMan. (He is red hot and some quite unsavoury characters are to be met whilst you await his deliveries). But when I said at lunch that I was equally unkeen to see BMan, and therefore we should ask M to do it for us, I was met with mucho hostility.  Tonight my behaviour was summed up with her curse-word of 2005 - lame.  i know it as an audio encoder, she knows it as the lowest description for a male.

BTW, S (my partner), told M today that she has been responsible for my boost in self confidence.  Apparently I was hopeless when she started sating me, then boosted my confidence and now I have told all my friends to f off.  Hearing S tell this story matter of factly was strange.  S4, my boss at work, apparently told her dad much the same thing, except without the bit about me telling my friends to f off.  Coz she doesn't know my friends.  Apparently when I started at my work, I was utterly shy and noone could get a peep outta me.  now with my boss S's tutelage, I am quite the livewire at the infrequent work social gathering.

Why this need for women to improve my self confidence, and perhaps more interestingly, why do they need to tell people that's what they've done?  Does ot make them feel like they are a good person perhaps?  Maybe I should start telling people that when I started sleeping at S's place, she only used $25 every couple of days.  Within six months she was using 6 quarter weights a day, just like me!  Does that make me a good person?

(Sometimes I think i got rid of all these 3 friends because each one of them at fairly regularly told me that there was no way S had been faithful to me these last 4-5 years she hadn't found the desire to sleep with me.  They assured me that S would be "getting it" quite regularly from someone.   I tend to believe S, as I feel I know her head fucked upness better than these 3 friends, but still I may have been  alittle tired of playing the cuckold with them all the time and hence ended communications.)

Of course if S does turn out to having been screwing me over (by screwing someone else) I will be utterly shattered.  Despite knowing intellectually that it's OK because anyone who would betray someone like that isn't worth being concerned over.  Dichotomies, huh?

Anyways, I must go back to my XSL (using Oxygen 6.0 as an IDE atm).  XSL is a beautiful transforming language I want to go on record as saying.  Simple, clean, uniform, platform independent.  All I like about data.  Sometimes i compare data to money, but think of money as a sullied version of the ideal I am thinking of.  Stuff that only has value when there's a consensus that it has a value.  Metaphysics?  I'm not sure, but it's definitely under the heading "How humans differ themselves from animals."

( In the last few weeks I have had the tenth anniversary of walking out of the Supreme Court un fettered (mostly). I'd like to take the kudos for my win but I think I sat during the whole lead up in a daze whilst my poor parents ran around preparing statements and getting references from all sorts.  Thanks mum and dad.)