Time of much pain but growing acceptance of the situation.

In some ways it's the first caring act she has shown me, her leaving.  Whether or not she is being selfish in doing so perhaps she thinks subconsciously that she is doing a good thing.  My parents know intuitively she is gone.  Strange powers of the parent's mind.   They worried about me being sick with a cold this week and being alone.  I have not told them S has left but they knew there was noone there to look after me.  S used me for a lift into town on the day I had off work sick this week.  So she could get her birth certificate and 18+ card.  Don't get me wrong, I had a nice time, she bought me great food and a good book, but there was no heart there.  Do you take a sick person out of the house to drive into the city for you when they are sick.  The day before she'd got upset after I refused to eat a meal she wanted to buy me.  I was getting sick at this stage, and this was the first time she'd communicated since telling me I didn't love her and she refused to hold my hand.  When I needed it.

Petty stuff, and if I hadn't felt ill I would have eaten the meal to help assuage her guilt at her coldness, but being sick reduces you down to yourself.  It's a good thing.

been out to a nursery at Enoggera today.   Bought a swathe of rainforest plants for mum.  Pares cooked me soup to help me get better.  Going out to DQ's in a minute.  Sometimes I think I have no friends but that is just my negative side talking, the side that wants me to keep using.

Ho hum, still sick, but cold tablets masking all symptoms.  They run out tonight. Mobile phone off, S to go to her sisters maybe, haven't spoken to her, she was on phone to her future flatmate, call her S2, as I left.  Happily discussing great houses she had found.  Yippee I thought and bailed.