I met my nephew Josua for the first time today. His mother, my sister Emma, and his father, my brother-in-law, Veve, are staying at my parents for the duration, 2 weeks I think.
I noticed myself being selfish earlier this evening, and didn't stop. I had told myself many times this week that when I saw Josua, that is to say, when I first met Josua, I would be straight. Things seemed to be going well for a few days. I met Ms S last Saturday night, we ended up scoring. I got a chunk of gear, so after she left around 11pm Saturday night, I plunged onwards, deeper into the recesses of my sadness.
I fell asleep Sat night/Sunday morning, and at some stage of course, since this is not a posthumous tale (well when I wrote this it wasn't!), at some stage Sunday I awoke. And did not score again. I did my normal shite, I guess, I think I downed some extra metro to help reduce the urge to score.
But no more scoring. I had family coming! This sounded strange, and good.
So days flew by, I came home to an empty flat night after night, and after about two nights of this whilst being straight, when mumbler called Wednesday arvo to let me know dinner was ready, it didn't take much thought to decide to use. No money, but that wasn't a huge problem. Jet owed me $60 that had asked him to pay direct to the Simster.
I had already paid Sim the $60 the previous day, money for her muff checkup, coz she had wisely determined that Jet could well not pay the $60 by the Thursday that she needed it on. Sim's last visit to me/the flat was on Tues 22/8/06, only 72 hours ago. Yet her absence eats at me, even amidst the joy of seeing Josua. joy dampened by gabo I know.
I well know that gabo doesn't help me at all in the getting over of this girl.
I need to know whether I should give up on this girl I love. Is she waiting for me, or is she waiting for me to give up?
To those brave few who have read any of these pages, please mail me and give me your thoughts, all advice accepted in the spirit of "trying to love whilst using gabo"
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On a completely separate matter, or maybe not so separate, karma kicked me in the teeth for using this evening. I drove into a carpark I have often driven into to have a shot. A shutter door came down behind me, but I thought nothing of it as I prepped in the street spoon and shot up a quarter weight. Only when I had finished and rested for a minute did I determine I was trapped.
I rang the helpline number on the gate opening device. A woman in India took my message half heartedly and five minutes later my mobile rang for a couple of seconds. I rang the number back, and within a minute the techie had determined that as
a) The gate was not broken, and
b) My swipe card was not faulty, then
he could forget about it. He told me to contact the building owners. At 7pm on A friday night, yeah right.
Taxis to parents, I had flowers for sis and teddy for Josua. Josua is Creation's most perfect moment, making me think about what could have been had I been more forceful with Lora in 1995.
Dad hurt his back on the weekend loading heavy concrete blocks at Liddy Street, and he had been tidying the house under mum's instructions all week. Mum was unhappy that I had forgotten the strawberry punnet that she had rung me at lunch (during my day long Sun scoping meeting) to ask me to bring over.
There was a wall of tiredness and sadness. Perhaps mum picked up on my stonedness. Who knows? Pluto is no longer a planet, I guess my problems pale compared to losing planet status.