What shocked one day inspired no emotions whatsoever the next.
When Sim first watched the Breaking Bad episode with the little brother asking for his reefer back from his older sibling who has just been thrown out of home for not ratting on little bro, she was shocked. Horrified.
Now she's caught up to all the episodes I've lent her and she's started again from the beginning. (It's that kind of show. You want to devour it). But she isn't getting the same stimulation second time round.
Cocaine was like that. You had to take enough in the first shot to blow your brains out. Because you couldn't catch up in the second shot. I used to think of it as a binary set up. Unless you met a minimum amount in shot A, the correct chemical gates were not opened and you just achieved a kind of speedy buzz. Adding more to the mix had less chance as you probably needed to take 50 percent more than the first shot.
And with me, I remember taking a pulse rate of just a smidge under 200 b.p.m, so who wants to shoot up 50% more charlie in that situ? I mean, there has to be some theoretical upper limit at which the heart sort of stumbles, like a runner going to fast. The legs just won't handle it. Organic mechanical systems have limitations. We ain't software yet are we?
So Sim is facing the typical charlie junkies dilemma. Should she dry out for a few weeks, stop watching BB and let her gates opening triggers slide down again. Or should she push on, watch with a greater level of attention and involvement in the hope that will give her the emotional return?
Oh tonight, tonight I used and watched Kick Ass and pondered what a forty year old looks like. I'll be forty next birthday and I cannot imagine how a forty year old looks. Sim and I tried to spot one on TV, but who knows? It's a hard age to spot. When I was young I had a theory that there were no fourteen year old girls. I could not imagine what one would be like so I decided they just went from thirteen to fifteen. Maybe they stayed in those ages a bit longer than boys did, so it all evened out in the end.
Tonight I pondered forty and watched Kick Ass and washed up and rebooted my PC and did a load of washing and burned a few DVDs to grab back some space on some full terabyte Western Digital RAIDs.
Today, what was a highlight today? Well, as I walked down the steps of my work mid afternoon, a pretty little Vietnamese girl was walking along the footpath from my right. Our paths were about to intersect, so she did the usual 'look up' thing. To ensure the person approaching poses no threat I guess, some vestige of cave man days, or perhaps this skill was needed much more recently than that. Savagery isn't that far away from the every day. They always look away and that's that. But today, no, this slice of delicateness looked back a second time. A second time!
Be still oh my beating heart.
Functional junkie. There' s the definition. $28 worth of gear and a half dose of my metro and I am useful. Tomorrow night if I stay strong and don't use I will sit on a couch for four hours and feel bad. And watch bad TV.
TV, the drug of a nation, feeding ignorance and breeding irradiation. Thanks Franti.