big brother on TV, finale night,   coming up to as week clean again and it looks like i may be out of the woods this time.  it took all this week to break out of my negative mood.  it peaked last night with me going outta my head tripping on the same bad thoughts over and over again, not thinking about scoring but just hating my life and my situation.  all gains seemed worthless.

and at work today my two bosses were both quite sick, flu coming on.  no cash, little pay last week as i was sick 1.5 days last week.    ran outta petrol on the way back from the chemist, didn't faze me, just walked 1/2 hr to pares after work, borrowed 20 bucks, turned around and walked back to Toowong BP and then on to my car abandoned near Milton Rd.  Amazing what a walk can do.  I get so few of them, I will start doing more of them soon I hope.

wasn't able to present a new contract to work today as i tried to edit it last night but all i could do was take out anything good eg laptop etc.  So I will have another go tonight.  ASP page doesn't seem to be working but arranged today to get one year's hosting with ASP scripting.   but i still feel i may be doing something wrong...feeling positive.  on BB the maybe winner Trev has taken a 3 month break from his girlfriend Bria because he "knows their love is true"...I take hope from anywhere even without reason