Life, brought to you by the people who brought you Death!

Sad attempt at humour.  But I think my day has been funnier, on the whole.   I come home to an empty flat, (S is visiting her sister Vanessa, up north.  Seeing her niece Teyha), in a world where a mobile telephone ringtone (the tune that is played when someone rings your telephone) is top of the charts.  Ousting U2 and Coldplay for the Number One spot in UK.  So that's my world.

Anyway, I'd finished downloading an Arena documentary on Philip K Dick during the day, so I figured it was time.  Brian Aldiss, Kim Stanley Robinson and some other great Sci-Fi practitioners waxed lyrical about PKD.  Being a PKD doco it had some strange bits, lots of consumer products relabelled with PKD brands, from hairspray to tuna to dishwashing detergent.   This tied in with PKD's distrust of modern consumer society, and overall the documentary taught me about PKD, and confirmed some longheld suspicions.   As he got older, he married younger and younger women.  Shortly before his death in the mid 1970s, he married at 17 year old disaster, Tess.  As Aldiss put it, he had gone around the bend. 

I took a call from S3 around 430 today, asking if I knew anywhere to get on, when I said i did but it involved driving 320 kilometres, she suggested that I try her new "friend" who lived just a couple of hundred metres from my flat.   Almost too good to be true.  That adage is there for a reason...The "dealer" was Sly, a sad acquaintance from my sadder past.  The deal involved me coughing up as much cash as I could in a short time to cover S3, who had no money, hence her call to me.  In a couple of hours I had gone from steady sobriety to a descent into collaboration with the shadiest characters from my past.   And S had only been gone a few hours.  What would the next two days alone hold?

Gay sex wet dreams!  Where the hell does something like that come from.  To be honest I'm not even sure it was a dude, if u get my drift, just some fat thing, viewed from behind.....i'm sharing way too much now I know. BTW, S tried to get me to eat breakfast this morning before she left for her sister's for two days. Nice to knwo she really cares. It's hard to be false first thing in the morning. And she'd made me some lunch to take to work also, how lovely. I think she'd woken at 4 and gotten up then unable to sleep. Our partners have such complicated lives that compared to our own are simple things, at least in our own minds.

I've been eating sugar constantly, 3 bowls of ice cream, a chocolate iceblock, Mint Slices etc etc.  Stoned again, alone.  Why?  Because it feels good.  Simple.  Humans do what makes them feel good.  Some people climb mountains, some torture kidnapped people, others just go to work day in day out.   I skip the process for the outcome.  Direct injection of endorphines to the bloodstream, resulting in elevated chemical levels in brain, and a feeling of "wellbeing". All this whilst being on the government controlled methadone program.  We always want more, it seems.