So, yes. You'd think, that after a six month dry spell, the words would be pouring onto the page. I had envisaged a page-a-day festival of outpoured soul, going on for months.
Instead, I sit here, flipping from this page, across to Azureus (I WILL not call it Vuze), to see how my Sanctuary download progresses. What have I to say? I should write something on wounds. Not pretty, but in my mind. I, hopefully, am heading down to the hospital later tonight to get my leg checked out. I have shown a .... bad patch(?) ... on my right leg, just below and inside my knee, to my metro doctor three times now.
The first time, I told her it was psoriasis, and I think she glanced at it. It was large, but dry, so probably confirmed my homespun diagnosis (given by friend yet struck-off nurse, S5) at my mum's funeral in early August.
The second time, she started. "I've never seen that" she said, somewhat defensively.
"If you'd shown me that I would have done something straight away".
I recounted to her the conversations we'd had about it previously - when told of its itchiness, she asked when it got itchy. I told her at dusk, when I was stoned. However, I am invariably stoned at dusk, so it's hard to separate the two events - dusk, and stoning.
The appointment ended with her telling me she was too busy to take a biopsy then and there - "Come back Monday".
I came back Monday at five, after work, as she requested. Straight, and not having touched the wound for two days - no pH neutral soaps, no paw-paw, no anti-bac cream. No bandage. I came into her surgery, the frontdesk gal said "You don't have an appointment".
"That's ok, Doc T booked it herself, she knows I'm coming".
A few minutes later said Doc comes to me, wine glass in hand..."What are you here for?" she asks.
"Um, you said you could do a biopsy today?"
"Um, my leg?"
"Shit. Dickbrain didn't add you to the bookings. Can you come back later in the week?"
"Well, I don't have any money for this appointment anyway, so maybe after I get paid? Saturday?
"Yeah, that'd be great" she replied. And went back to eating her plate of strawberries, and whatever small office function I'd extracted her from.
So now it's Wednesday night, three days till her appointment, and today at work I was dizzy, 'the wound' is quite festy, and I cannot straighten my leg. I admit that the dizziness was quite possibly the result of just not using today or yesterday. But it felt...different. Like I was at my lowest ebb, rather than just plain old weak. So I hope to go to the hospital after my Pad See Eew Chicken. And I've had a shot, halves in a $150, so the pain is fine. Schnarbs watched my friend as he came to deliver the packet and take S' pay, so I think he'll be off for a few days. Perhaps they were listening into his 'phone, as they rocked up in a car and parked alongside a park he walked into a moment later. Perhaps they were just watching his house and saw him leave then scooted ahead. Who knows. He was smarter than I give him credit, he played ball for ten minutes after they drove off, and was still punting a football when they drive by to check a few minutes later.
I think he was unapproachable in the park, as he could have ditched the gear the moment they got out their marked car. Even if they'd found it, a public space would have been his defense.
Anyway, wounds. Here's mine, on the left, and my friend's on the right. He is currently blatting right into the centre of the black bruise, no other spots left. Nasty.
(Left, my inner knee - a Calcutta reminder?. Right, my mate's blat-spots)
So yeah, use these pictures how you will - as part of the failed-yet-continued 'abstinence through fear' program that was the very program responsible for my desire to first use. Or as part of a harm minimisation program - teach people where and how to shoot, why clean sharps are important, and about vein rotation. There's a good publication out now available at Biala about said rotation. This is not a link to that pdf (I'll hunt one down) but still some useful information.
Ok, off to the local Thai. Oh, before I go, a great blog demised recently. Australian Heroin Diaries (google that phrase) ceased being updated after its author, TW, found himself no longer in that scene. Best of luck to him, and his future endeavours, and especially to his hinted at but not elaborated upon new relationship!
Reading: Incredibly, well perhaps not so incredibly, an Anne Rice I missed from her pre-Jesus days. 'Blood and Gold', the story of Marius, it is promised to be. And just finished 'Black Hills' by Dan Simmons, a sci-fi writer who is more of a historical writer who perhaps throws in a little sci-fi to retain his sf credentials. No, that is harsh. For his Hyperion series, he is an eternal great, in my eyes.
Watching: Misfits. Finally threw out the TV that had sat abandoned in my flat for two years. I watch 100% downloaded fare.
Things that keep me going: The decision to make this site Drupal, and to allow any and every junkie their own space to write and jump and prance, online. Also, getting a 6 and a 7 for my two Bachelor of Science subjects in this morning's grades. Yee ha. GPA 6.5 second semester running. Another invite to the accelerated program? If so, can I, in good conscience, reject again?