The Usage Tracker

sayarsan's picture

Since I have been using the tracker I have found my attitude towards it changing. In 'My First Tracker' I described how i did it in my head without being aware of the technique and found the principal works well when one wants to cut down usage but what if someone has no intention of stopping or even reducing their intake? Should I abandon the idea as useless or inappropriate? Maybe but I have noticed the exercise does have some value.

At first I was doing as I had done with my first tracker and looking for an identifiable reason for taking the drug but pretty quickly realised that if I continued in this fashion my methadone would be piling up which is great but sooner or later it must get to the point where I wouldn't be able to take the dose I am expected to take in the chemist. On top of this I don't feel at all inclined to go through the stress withdrawal however gradual implies. In the end the reason for using opiates is to counteract stress which arises from interacting with a society, its rules, attitudes, expectations, demands and people. I am mindful of the lyrics in the Velvet's iconic song "all the jimjims in this town, everybody putting everybody else down, all the politicians making crazy sounds, and all the dead bodies piled up in mounds".

I know an excellent way to stop with minimal stress and discomfort and will do it straight away as soon as it becomes possible which I am confident will not happen in my lifetime as long as I live in this dump. My preferred method is the subject for another piece but for now I still intend to use the tracker for the exercise in inventing reasons and excuses for using, the record of money and time spent and the log of comparative usage although that would have been a lot more interesting 20-30 years ago.

It becomes even more interesting when there are a lot of people using it and sharing their data which raises the question of who can access it and if they do can they identify the individual. It would be a relief if the administrator or someone else who understands the workings of this thing would provide a detailed description of how to avoid detection and incrimination since this must constitute the biggest hurdle for newcomers. I'm sure it is a lot safer saving the data here under an alias than anywhere else but if the site does achieve a high profile it stands to reason that there will be scrutiny from unwanted eyes. Finally I think people should try and write down how they feel about using or not using it as well as making criticisms and asking questions.